Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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