Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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