Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
