I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
