there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
