Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
