I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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