my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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