I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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