I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
How naked do you want me to be?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
