Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
that may or may not have been my penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
