you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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