what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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