I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
