That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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