We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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