i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
