Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
