You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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