and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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