It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
