Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
