i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
