is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
