Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
