I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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