If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize