So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
