Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
