dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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