Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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