remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You're a waste of cheezeits
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
