OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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