how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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