Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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