What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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