she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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