your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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