the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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