The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I want to be your penis for a week.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
