her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
