he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
