Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
