If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
