I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
