Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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