i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
