So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
