So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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