I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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