My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
