ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
