I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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