Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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