I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm both gender and math confused
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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