Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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