those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
