I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize