Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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