I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
