Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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