just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
