I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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