dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
