Cold hands, warm shart.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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