Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
