dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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