It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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