I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
