You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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