bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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